New year, New You (Again)

Oh hey, remember that time I tried to start a blog while I was touring and wrote in it maybe three times?  Oh, and then tried again when I was trying to live a healthier life?  For a day?  Well, here we are again!-  The first day of 2013 and here I sit here thinking... I really should try this blogging thing again.  Hey, third time's a charm, yes?

So, 2012 was a great year for me in a lot of ways.  1) I had a full year of full time employment working for a family that I love, 2) I moved out of my parent's house (this is a big deal for me!) and into a house in Manayunk (always a goal of mine) that I also love with housemates that I get along with really well... and for really cheap rent.  3) Jerry and I finally became adults and worked things out in our relationship (I even got him to be FB official!), and made some decisions for our life that I am very excited about! 4) I started my own business with LIA SOPHIA and I am thriving in it! 5) I became a part of the development of Facetime Community Theatre, which will be flourishing over the next couple of years. 6) I managed to get myself down to the lowest weight and slimmest my body has been in years, but....

I gained all of that back and more.  Go me. 

For all of the wonderful things that happened this year, I don't feel as though I've grown in a lot of ways that I would like to.  Back to the previous point... I can't get healthy, and stay healthy, to save my life.  And here's the thing... doing so WILL SAVE MY LIFE.  I don't want to be 35 years old and feel 50, I don't want to get diabetes (which I am at risk for) or heart disease, I don't want to feel like every time I walk up the stairs more and more of my joints are breaking down and I certainly don't want to feel the way I did last night when I put on a dress that was two sizes too big when someone first gave it to me, and now it won't even zipper.  THOSE are feelings towards the end of 2012 that I want to get rid of in 2013.  And I have this issue, as so many of us do, with constantly losing weight and gaining it back.  It's that evil cycle that us women put our bodies through that rips us apart on a daily basis.  I'm done.  I'm done with letting other's eating and exercise habits influence me to be unhealthy and lazy.  I'm done with my extremely busy schedule interfering with my exercise and cooking time.  I'm DONE with being afraid to COOK instead of just picking up fast food on my way from here to there.  I am legitimately afraid of cooking because I am pretty terrible at it.  Thank god for slow cookers.

On another note- I am so thankful for my job with the Resslers.  I love the kids, my days aren't usually too difficult, and they treat me like gold.  Unfortunately, working this job has not afforded me any time to do what I ultimately want to do which is work in theatre.  I've lost sight of my passion because I got COMFORTABLE... eww.  Sometimes it's nice to be comfortable, and I am very grateful that this year has been just that.  I think I needed it.  But, it's time to break out into my passion again. 

So, here are my goals for 2013.  They won't all happen right away, but I will be working towards these things throughout the year.

1) Become a healthy person, inside and out.  Putting things into my body that won't slowly kill it, or make me feel like a beached whale like I do right now.  Everyone's idea of healthy is different, as is their process to get there.  I will try a few different things and see what it is that works for me. 

2)  I will perform in at least three shows.  I did ONE in 2012.  Must not get sidetracked from the ultimate goal.

3) Not only will I earn a trip for Jerry and I to Hawaii, but I will promote to Unit Leader in Lia Sophia, and be able to leave my nannying job even though it might be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do.  The idea of it just made my chest tighten.

4) I will commit myself to practicing yoga regularly in hopes of, aside from enhancing my life and wellbeing, beginning to train as a teacher in the beginning of 2014. 

There will be more.  This is not the end.  Just don't want to overwhelm myself.  Here's to 2013!!  I'm not getting any younger, so I might as well get more AWESOME!  :-)

Til next time, kiddos.

Katie

Challenges, Challenges, Challenges!

It's been two weeks since I started writing about my search for good health and a better body.  Honestly, haven't done so well.  Only lost 2 1/2 pounds and haven't been nearly as active enough.  This is frustrating.  I am really trying not to base everything off that number I'm staring down at, but it's hard, especially at this point when I really do need to lose actual pounds before I can say "Well, maybe it's just my body type."  178 lbs. is overweight for anyone my age and height.  I also had my BMI officially check the other day.  It's a 31.  Somehow, I went back up about 2 points.  Fabulous.  And, apparently, I should be at about an 18 BMI.  Jesus. 

So, I've been watching what I eat closely.  Counting calories on my phone (and occasionally going over), watching my sugar intake, which I have been pretty good with actually.  I'm staying away from processed sugars and junk food aside from maybe a bite of chocolate every other day.  Although, I did eat four girl scout cookies last night... soo... yeah.  I'm finding that I don't eat a ton during the day, and then I have all these calories left over after 5:00 so I am eating more at the end of the day.  And if I have alot left over by 8 or 9, I let myself have a snack that might not be in my body's best interest.  And just like everyone else, I have trouble when I go out, trying to find something healthy ont he menu that I can somehow find the caloric intake of... also, I like beer. 

And, here's the thing.  I know I'm going to have to control my cravings and my intake of things that I really like.  But, I am not looking to deprive myself.  I like food alot.  And I think it's a great thing.  So, I don't want to never let myself indulge in things that I like, like a couple beers every now and then, or a couple cookies.  It's just finding that balance between deprivation and over-indulgence. 

AND, I need to move more.  I'm not sedentary by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm starting to think that my body just needs ALOT of physical activity to be fit.  Maybe moreso than most.  So, to jumpstart myself and to give myself a specific challenge, I am going to participate in this 10, 000 Reps in March challenge.  It is a list of calisthetic exercises such as pushups, burpees, squats and the like.  You do this sequence of exercises 2x, giving you 670 each workout X every other day in March = 10, 050 reps.  Sounds like a good way to get moving to me.  So, I'll do that on top of cardio, dance, and other aerobic classes.

The real challenge this month will be that the high school musical is opening on March 16th and the next two weeks, I will be working and/or rehearsing almost every day, leaving little time for anything else, like exercising.  And presenting many opportunities for me to order unhealthy food for the sake of convenience and stress eating.   So, it is going to take alot of planning and some very early mornings for me to get through the next two weeks unscathed and no heavier than I am right now.  God help me. 

Until next time (which probably won't be until after the show opens because I'll barely have time to even brush my teeth),
Katie

Oh, hell, why not?

I'm going to try something different and a little scary for me... publicize an important part of my life on the internet.  You just laughed, didn't you?  I know you did.  Because you just thought "Wait, aren't you the girl that clogs up my newsfeed wit status updates and pictures every day?"  Yes.  Yes, I am.  But, rarily, if ever, do I air out my dirty laundry or get too personal because, really, somethings just aren't meant to be made public.  Anyway, I digress. 
I'm going to publicly venture into something that I have been struggling with for years, along with, umm... thousands of people and that is weightloss.  Ooooh boy... that overhyped, overused word!  And as I said, talking details about my weight struggles and bad health habits is quite frightening and embarassing for me, but I've come to the end of my rope of great ideas and am hoping that making the process more public will give me some kind of accountability.  Hopefully.
Oh, hell, why not?
So, if you've decided that you are sick of hearing about people's "weightloss journeys" and the like, then no hard feelings, and I suggest that you exit now cause here goes...

Ok, I'm just going to start with the facts.  I am 25 years old and weigh 180 lbs.  Holy shit, I can't believe I just put that out there.  Kind of feels freeing, actually.  I'm obviously overweight.  Last time I checked my BMI, I believe it was 30.  That is JUST hitting the obese range.  OBESE.  Do I look obese to you? I don't think so.  Thankgod.  But, technically, I am.  Now, I don't look to much into that or I would slit my wrists.  But, let's face it.  It's not healthy in the slightest bit. 
Now, there are numerous reasons I have struggled with weight since I was a little girl, and I will explore all of those as I go on with this blog.  But, let's just say, the lightest weight I remember being is 150 lbs... in 5th grade.  Yeah, you read correctly.  So, for now, I'm just going to list out some of my health goals for 2012, and I'll talk to you all later. 

Current Weight: 180
Ultimate Goal Weight: 145-150
Final Goal date: August 16th
Goal BMI: 25 (this is still considered 'overweight', but I have alot of muscle mass, so it will probably be very difficult for me to get under that)

Some other important goals... I will delve into these more as I blog on...

- where a bikini, and feel hot in it
-NO MORE CHUB RUB, you know, when your thighs rub together and makes it impossibly uncomfortable to wear shorts
- run a marathon
- become a fitness trainer/teacher of SOME kind
- become a better and more agile dancer
-train my body to crave healthy foods, rather than foods that will eventually kill me
- greatly reduce the symptoms of PCOS (a very integral part of my struggles that I will go into more detail about later)

I am not looking to become the ideal of fitness and beauty.  I do not think that I will transform into a cover photo from Maxim.  I already think I am a beautiful person, inside and out.  But, like most women, I have my insecurities and this is a huge one.  And it's time for me to take control of my own life and my own body.  It's time to OWN myself and my mistakes.  So, let's do this thing. 

Let's try this again...

Hey, I'm back!  I was super lazy about my blogging while I was on tour, I know.  Two blogs doesn't really qualify as having a blog, huh?  Well, I'm back, and I'm going to try a lot harder this time :-)  No promises, though ;-)

Well, as I have told most of you, being on tour was amazing.  I had some wonderful professional and social experiences and I got to see parts of the U.S. that I never even thought of going to.  Ate alot of Froyo...  and fast food, which caused me to gain somewhere between 10-15 lbs. while gone.  That part wasn't quite as fun, but I am rectifying that problem right now and there will be more on that in another blog.  Anyway, I digress.  Some of the theatres we performed at were just so beautiful and LARGE, and then there were some that were... not so great. (Chicago, I'm lookin' at you!)  But, experiencing both of those extremes was such a learning experience and made me a little more flexible, I think.  We had a few replacement cast members, too, but for the most part we all got along so well and I made some really special friendships on that journey! 

Now I am in the middle of my next endeavor at The Walnut Street Theatre.  I was cast as an Extra/Understudy for Aspects of Love.  We have been rehearsing for almost two weeks now and begin previews tomorrow night!  To clarify, as a non-union Extra in every show, I am contractually not allowed to sing, dance or speak in this show.  Pretty much, I am costumed stage crew.  The concept for Aspects of pretty cool, though, because the director is using us as a dreamlike state for the main character, George.  Michelle and I move curtains pretty much the whole show, but it's done in a way that we are part of the scenes while doing it.  It's interesting.  And curtainography is way harder and stressful than you would think.  Especially when you are working with a director that demands exact precision and is short on patience.  Oh, also, when the stage floor has a revolving turntable AND a revolving donut around said turntable... and they sometime move at the same time.  Ever feel like the floor was moving under you?  Yeah, mine does. 

Although I would love to actually be playing a role in the show, being an extra has been a fantastic learning experience in working in an Equity theatre.  I get to learn the ropes without quite as much pressure.  And at least half of the cast I am working with have been on Broadway and tours previously and are quite a talented bunch, not to mention extremely humble and sweet.  They don't see a line between them (being Equity and playing actual roles in the show) and us (being non-Eq and just being extras).  They are very appreciative of us, actually.


Ok, I'm going to stop there for now.  I could probably go on for pages, but I don't know how interesting that would be.  I'll try to keep them short and sweet.  Now, off to the gym.

An Interesting Start

So, it’s time for me to actually start using this blog, huh?

 Two Saturdays ago, I started my new life adventure with a week of rehearsals for Beauty and the Beast.  The week went fast, and I’ve never learned, memorized and refined a show in such a short period of time.  It was exhausting, but so … satisfying.  I got to work with a wonderful director and my cast is superb.  Everyone is cast SO WELL in their roles.  Along with the rest of the cast, we work with a stage manager who is SUPERB and Tech director who is also awesome!  We really lucked out with this cast and crew.  Talented, silly, fun, and DRAMA-FREE.  I love drama-free.  I foresee this group having a super awesome and fulfilling time on this tour.  As much as I will miss Philly and my peoples, I am very fortunate to have these awesome people to fill my void until we get back. 

Our first couple days of the actual tour have already been really… interesting.  On Saturday, we left for our hotel in New Brunswick, NJ, where we were suppose to stay for two days while we perform at The Community Theatre at the Mayo Center for Performing Arts.  Within the first five minutes we are there, I realize that I had left my character shoes I wear in the show somewhere.  No idea where, just…. Not in my suitcase.  I guess someone had the make the first dumb mistake, and who better to do it then me!  I ended up doing our two shows on Sunday in my own black flat shoes that had never even been worn before.   I guess that’s what being a theatrical actor is all about- being able to adjust to your surroundings and to any snafus that come our way.   I’m learning this early.  By the way, I have since found my character shoes, along with a scarf I left in the hotel.  I’m going to have to start triple checking my room before we leave. 

So, back to our hotel in New Brunswick- the Howard Johnson, which we will so lovingly call the Ho-Jo from now on.  From the moment we walked into the Ho-Jo, it was clear that this was no Comfort Inn, which is where we stayed in Philly for rehearsal week.  The décor looked like it had been bought at second hand shops and the bathroom looked like it might cave in at any moment.  And did I mention that this place was a motel style dig set back from a small highway without anything around but a Fuddruckers next store.  And, the sign on their front desk door read “Valentine’s Day Special.  Short Stay (4 hours) $50 with ‘FREE’ Champagne”.  Classy, eh?  But, OK, fine.  Not everywhere we go is going to be a Grade A hotel.  This is a non-union and partly non-profit company, after all.  It wasn’t until we got a text message at 3am from our stage manager that read “Do not come out of your rooms. Do not look out the window.  Lock the doors.”  Uhhh… ok.  My roommate and I didn’t get the text until 8:30am, thankgod, because I wouldn’t have slept the rest of the night.  In the morning she sent a text telling us to pack up all our things because we were not staying there another night.  It turns out there was a HUGE fight that my roommate and I completely slept through right outside Monica’s door.  Luckily, her boyfriend was staying with her, but even he was holding the phone ready to call 911 apparently, so it must have been pretty intense.  Victor said he heard in the front desk area that someone had been “knifed” there that night.  Awesome.  Monica also suspects that they had a prostitution ring going on there because a couple of us could hear a lot of sex going on that night.  Anyway,let’s get the hell out of there.  So we did.  And just as we had thought we had left for our tour, we were right back at the Comfort Inn in Philly for the night.  False start!

Now, let’s get to the meat of it and talk about our first two shows.  On Sunday, we performed two shows at The Community Theatre at the Mayo Center for Performing Arts.  We were very spoiled with this venue.  It was huge, beautiful and had multiple large dressing rooms.  They had crew guys to help us load in and load out, along with a huge elevator to lug all our flats and set pieces to the theater itself.  I wish I wasn’t so caught up in everything, because I would have liked to take pictures.  It was so nice to finally be performing on a real stage, rather than in a rehearsal studio the size of my living room.  It was such an adjustment, too.  But, we really worked to together and made it happen without too many problems.  It was so great to finally do the show for an audience.  It was getting a little stale by the end of rehearsal week.  We went from an audience of three at the studio to an audience of over 1000 at the Mayo Center.  Overall on Sunday, we played for about 2000 people.  Sweet.  After  the second show, we did a meet and greet in the lobby.  We got SWAMPED.  This wasn’t your typical receiving line that I am used to after a show.  This was pictures, autographs, Victor and I even sang happy birthday to a little girl.  It’s so funny because, to us grown ups, children’s theatre just isn’t that big of a deal.  But, to these kids, we are freaking celebrities.  It was really cool and really strange all at the same time.  It was like being a fake celebrity!  Just what I’ve always wanted! 

Afterwards, we did some cast bonding at Heather's apartment, which was about an hour away.  Her wonderful boyfriend made us a huge Superbowl Opening Night Party spread- pulled pork, eggplant, queso, wings, punch... the works.  It was so great to have a nice cooked meal.  We won't be getting many of those for a few months.  But, it was a great bonding time for us, so THANK YOU JIM AND HEATHER!!

Well, we are on our way to Georgia now, which is where our next shows are on Wednesday.  We’ll be stopping in Fayetteville, NC tonight to sleep and then finishing the drive tomorrow.  But, right now, we are on a hunt for Chipotle, so bye for now!

Leaving comfort behind

Well, I was going to wait until the New Year to start writing a journal... and then I figured that maybe I'd just do it online, since well, let's face it... that's how everything is done now.  Plus, I can't post pictures in a journal :-)  I decided not to wait because I have a bit of exciting news to share that will kind of kick off this whole blogging thing. 

So, we all have dreams right?  Some of us decide to go after them and some of us believe that they are better left off as dreams... where they are safe and sound... where they can't get crushed.  Well, luckily, I had an upbringing that always encouraged to go after what I wanted, mostly because my parents never got to go after any of their dreams and they didn't want me to end up... less than content, which is what I believe they are, but that's a whole different story.  So, now I'm this big dreamer with big dreams of becoming a singer and an actress on Broadway.  Baby steps, Katie, baby steps.  Gotta start at the bottom first.  Well I started at the bottom, but let's just skip to now.  After a lot of auditioning and ALOT of  what I like to call "Thanks but No Thanks" emails, I finally booked a national tour.  A REAL PAYING JOB doing what I love more than anything... singing and acting and making people feel things that they might not get to in their normal lives!  God, I love it.  So, here's the catch.  I'm not as excited about it as I thought I would be.  Don't get me wrong, I am so freaking happy to be cast finally.  I mean, not everyone who wants to do this actually gets to do this for their job.  And yet, I am quite anxious about it all. 

I found out sometime around noon today and, Jesus, was I ecstatic.  I mean, I could barely concentrate on anything else.  As the next couple of hours went by, though, I started to get anxiety about it all.  And then I REALLY couldn't concentrate on anything.  As a matter of fact, I had a couple mini anxiety attacks, or at least what felt like one.  "Wait, but that means I'll miss this birthday and that wedding and people will go on and hang out and forget that I was ever here."  "They'll move on to someone else, or somewhere else, and then when I get back, I won't have anything."  These are the thoughts that started and have continues to enter my head all day today after my initial excitement.  Sounds irrational right?  Well, in my head, they are very real fears.
Let me explain- I've never actually had the balls to leave home.  I mean, I moved out for a couple of years in college... but I only moved about a half hour away... and was home almost every weekend... and was constantly in contact with family and friends who lived nearby.  It wasn't really "away".  So, although the distant thought of leaving Philly and exploring other cities is completely exhilarating and a huge part of my dream, when it comes down to it... it scares the shit out of me.  So, I panic.  Change makes me panic, especially big change.  This change, although temporary, is a big one for me. 

I have people here.  My people.  Friends.  Family. Special people to me. That I see almost everyday.  Bars that I drink at regularly where they know who I am and don't check my ID.  Places that I feel comfortable.  Comfort.  What a wonderful and, yet, awfully terrible thing.  It can be our greatest help and our greatest hinderance.  Right now, it's a hinderance.  That is why I titled my blog PASSION OVER COMFORT.  It's kind of been a saying that I've said for a couple years now because I thought I was being so bold by "going after my dreams".  Well, that moment hasn't actually come until today.  Now, I'm really choosing my passion over my comforts.  On February 5, I'll leave for four months to tour with American Family Theatre's Beauty and the Beast and I won't be back until May 27.  Four months.  That's a long time for me.  So, follow me here on my journey and help me overcome my fear of leaving comfort behind.